By Bit Hacker, Ph.D., Creative Solutions, POB 19129, Arlington TX 76019
Have you ever analyzed your valuable date in SPSS or SAS, only to find non-significant results? If so, then you need CHEAT (Creative Hypotheses Evaluation Analysis Technique). CHEAT can almost always obtain significant results in cases where you know your hypotheses are correct, but your data just won't cooperate. Most statistical analysis software assumes that you begin your research with a statement of the hypotheses. While this approach is traditional, it is illogical and counter productive to your true goal, that is, getting the results published.
CHEAT presents the user with a list of the 2015 Journals that prefer research based manuscripts. The user selects the most preferred journals for publication. CHEAT then uses artificial intelligence based inferencing techniques to work with you and your data to provide maximum publication potential in the journals selected.
The CHEAT method has several advantages. For example, some journals do not consider Chi Square as a very powerful test of significance. Therefore, if such a journal was chosen by the user, CHEAT would only analyze data with a statistic more in line with those used by the journal in past articles. In addition, CHEAT will determine and use the statistic which results in the highest statistical significance. If a user's data is problematic, CHEAT will work the user through one or several data building techniques to allow more powerful manipulation to be performed. During data building, CHEAT prompts the user for agreement with the assumptions required for these powerful statistics. As CHEAT processes data, problematic data and suggested modifications are presented along the increased significance that each change will obtain. Users accept or reject each suggested by simply clicking the mouse.
The result of a CHEAT analysis is an optimum statistical analysis, a series of tables presenting the data, and a reference list of articles pertinent to the statistics CHEAT has used. The user can quickly add text to CHEAT output and submit the manuscript for publication.
The following testimony is from an academic who credits CHEAT with his recent tenure.
"I wanted to publish an article illustrating that students who actually did well in research class earned significantly more money than students who were passed because professors could not tolerate them in their class next semester. I could not take the time to collect new data, because the paperwork to my tenure committee was due in three months. I had my old grades and the average salary of alumni for the last five years. Although this data seemed weak, I ran some statistics. Unfortunately, they did not seem to support my hypothesis, even though I knew the hypotheses to be valid. I suspected I needed some sophisticated technology to help modernize my research approach."
"I purchased CHEAT, ripped off the shrink wrap, signed the copyright agreement, and flung the CD in the drive. It quickly installed and thanked me profusely. I concluded that CHEAT was programmed in a third-world country and my purchase was helping to eliminate world poverty. I began to feel good about my Hi-Tech approach. I looked over the list of journals that appeared on the screen and chose a journal my colleagues thought prestigious for my manuscript."
"The words "thinking: please wait" flashed in red on the screen for about a minute and then CHEAT requested information and data, i.e., student grades and subsequent salaries. Since I only provided an average salary for graduates for the last 5 years, CHEAT asked if I could tolerate two assumption:
I indicated that these data building techniques were acceptable and CHEAT proceeded with its calculations."
"CHEAT began ruling out statistical tests. First Pearson Product Moment Correlation, then t test, then Kendall's Tau, and then even chi-square. It then began ruling out tests I never heard of, such as the Double Inverted Cluster Analysis and the Minoan Multivariate Agricultural & Livestock Test."
"CHEAT finally selected an intuitively oriented associational test called the Divine Factorial. The Divine Factorial was developed in the 9th Century by European Monks to prove the accuracy of their calculations on the number of Angels that could sit on the point of a needle. This test found my data highly significant and within minutes, beautifully constructed charts where flashing across my screen with the appropriate ** marks indicating significance according to Divine Factorial and citing several recent, although rather obscure foreign reference to the statistical test used."
"For the journal I selected, CHEAT produced publications suggestions such as:
With the charts and guidelines, I was able to word process a manuscript in several hours."
"Publication came more quickly than I expected. The Journal editor, a psychology professor, indicated that my research looked interesting and my manuscript was of the type and format the Journal preferred to publish. The reviewers commented that they found the results counter intuitive and therefore important, especially given their highly significant nature. One reviewer mentioned that he/she was not aware of the Divine Factorial, but that it seemed warranted give the list of recent supporting references."
"What more can I say. CHEAT was worth its $99 purchase price and promises to be a valuable research tool for me and my colleagues who are constantly seeking new ways to optimize our chances with the Tenure Committee. I would expect it to provide equally impressive results for nonprofits, businesses, and pharmaceutical industries where quick significant results from questionable data are mandatory and where few readers scrutinize assumptions and recognize obscure statistical tests. I give CHEAT an A+ for power and practicality." §
Published in the Journal of Irreproducible Results, Vol 21, 1992.